Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
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If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
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Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.