the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.