from now on my penis is your penis
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
