I wanna bring you to show and tell
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT