I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"