You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
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They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
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I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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