I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
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Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.