Are we in a gay sports bar?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
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the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume