If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
