First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
