I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I love you.
Bad choice
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
