Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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