so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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