Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
