I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize