If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
