I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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