Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
God gave him joint rollers for hands
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So much rum. So many feels.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
