i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
