Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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