my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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