How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize