Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
