And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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