she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
