dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
