Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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