she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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