Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
