I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
