umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
