You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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