his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
