I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i out mim tonsoeep
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
