She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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