I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
