I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
