yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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