eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
