I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
