Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
