You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
