There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
