I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
