if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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