apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize