We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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