I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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