i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
