I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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