my being single is dangerous.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm both gender and math confused
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
