ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
