sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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