ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
