Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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