So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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