I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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