Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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