The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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