I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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