Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
