he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
