it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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