I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
it glows. i had to have it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
