So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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