he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
