i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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