haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
