so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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