So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
