I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We just shotgunned beers for America
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
