a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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