I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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