god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
